Chad Linus

Full Name: Chadwin Caligula Linus

Nicknames: Chad, Chadsky, Lil’ Blue Eyes

Birthdate: April 22, 1983

Star Sign: Taurus

Birthplace: Outside Poughkeepsie, New York

Height: 5’ 10”

Weight: 150 pounds

Hair: Blond and spiky, as if dipped in the golden light of the sun

Eyes: Supernaturally blue

Parents: James and Leota, d. September 4, 1997

Siblings: Chad is the youngest of seventeen brothers and sisters, ages 34 to 49.

Voice: First Tenor

Favourite Animal: Talking pigs, like Babe

Least Favourite Animal: Pigs who can’t talk

Favourite Colour: Suede

Serious Illnesses: Cooties, age thirteen

Favourite Celebrity: (tie) Jason Robards and Walter Matthau (“I hope to meet them some day.”)

Least Favourite Celebrity: Superman (“He’s lazy. I mean, where was he when our boys were duking it out in Vietnam? Where was he during those high school shootings? All he had to do was on in, use his X-ray vision or his super strength, and he would have cleaned those messes right up. But what did he do instead? Nothing.”)

Favourite Movie: The House Of Mirth

Favourite Song: What’s the name of that one song, that goes, like, “dum-de-de-dum-do”? That one.

Favourite 2Gether Song: The one that goes, like, “I know my something something…It says you plus me equals…Something I forgot…”

Favourite Onstage Costume: Columbus, Ohio, dressed as the Backstreet Boys.

Secret Fear: SeaDoos (Used to be his secret dream until he found out SeaDoos go on water)

Secret Dream: To do a parody of Weird Al’s song “Eat It,” titled “Beat It”

Favourite Planet: Tatooine

Pet Peeves: Fingernails on a chalkboard, war.

Prized Possession: Black velvet painting of Q.T. McKnight

Motto: “Just be yourself. Unless you’re not that interesting or attractive or don’t have many friends. Then be someone else. I don’t know who, though. Maybe Howie Long.”

Doug quote about his brother Chad: "My folks felt that Chad was their one chance to escape the Linus Curse. The Linus Curse says you spend your life milking cows…”

Chad is afraid of flying, Doug has to sit next to him with a drool cup and elephant tranquillisers.

7/13/00: Dear diary, I’m not bothering you am I? I had a few more questions to ask. Why do they say chewable vitamins, chewable this, chewable that? Isn’t everything chewable if you have the courage to chew on it? I’m chewing on a chair right now. Therefore it is a chewable chair. Prove that it isn’t. Prove it! See? You can’t.